Standing in the Storm

Its been three years since the a dark storm cloud came puring into my world....the storm cloud represents my (anger, despair, grief , suspicion,and hate) and there i was standing in front of her, soaked in the rain, bleeding because of what she had said and done to me....for her words were so sharp it was like a knife through butter.
Her face shows no expression or compassion for what she said.....It was as if she didn't know me at all....Slowly she paces away passing my motionless and numb body and walking untill she slowly dissapears into the blury mist of the rain....i then collapse onto the ground and then all the thoughts that we've been through cross my mind....and i start to ask my self ...was this all a dream?....was it a waste of time...was it just my stupidity taking place....why didn't i fight to keep this relationship...But as i was thinking through all this never did i cry once...it was like my heart had hardened and there were no tears to cry for.......
And as i was thinking of all this things slowly i started to have feelings of anger, hatred, despair....and slowly this feelings started to consume me and i became just as dark as the storm clouds ......and as i plunged into this bark brooding depression.....i started to change.....I became more angry, irresponsible, lazy, i gave up on things more easily....and started to hate and distrust all relationships........and soon the world inside me changed and became worst.....the rain grew heavier and the storms grew more violent each day...I had rejected the world outside and resented those around me and i had started to do things i had never immagined i would be doing..such as smoking.. just because what had happened to me by one single person.......its stupid and unfair...but what can i do....it happened......
Suddenly in all that chaos...someone manage to reach out to me.....someone came into my world and had tried to reach the person inside of me......what that person saw in me i do not know.......but she helped me....she was a person that would take the time to listen to my problems.......and try to help me....and then i saw the real picture. It was like a ray of light pearcing the clouds onto the earth..it was then that i realised that what i was doing was wrong.....i realised that all the hatred and anger and smoking and all the negative things that were happening to me was not caused by the one that hurt me but was actually caused by myself.......because i always had a choice in whatever i did....and i chose to do those things to my self......
But unfortunately we cannot undo the things that we have learned...things such as distrust ,anger, hate, jealousy....they are still inside of me even untill now but i've learn't that although i can't undo it ...i still can controll it, and turn all those negative vibes into something positive......and because of that, i soon saw my world change....i no longer was in depression....the clouds had been lifted......My wounds from the past had been healed....the sun was shining brightly......and i had changed my perception of love and relationships......i no longer hated it.....i was no longer in distrust over it.....i realised that in love the word L.O.V.E. means (Lots Of Voluntary Effort) and that is what we should do......give whole heartedly......trust whole heartedly, and of course love unconditionaly.....
Now because of that friend that had helped me, i've decided to find love again....and appreciate it more.......and now i try every day to contain the feeling of negativity...those feelings of hate, distrust, and anger. After all we are human but i have vowed to overcome and contain it..and use it as a fighting will to sruvive...i'm sure every one does the same....only sometimes it overpowers us and we have seen where hatred and anger will lead us to......but nobody is perfect.......
That is why now i've began to see the world diffrently....i have had a change of heart.....i want to meet people make friends....open up to people.....and trust once more and of course be rid of all my dark past that is why u will be hearing the last of my past.......there will b nomore looking back.......but straight ahead from now on.
As for those who are in love i pray for unending happinesss for u all..and remember its only together that u can achive love not by ones self...and a for all of those single chaps like myself...well ....sooner or later we'll find someone.....well HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO U ALL OUT THERE !!!!!!!

Leaving It Up To Fate

Why is it that whenever we face a problem that, we cannot solve or reach a point in life that we don't know what to do, we say this sentence " let fate decide whats next ".... I hate that word fate....i hate what it means ...coz to me it means that i have no controll of my life.....And its an easy excuse to fall back on ....like whenever we know that some thing we do is not gonnna be a success we give up and say "ahh i've done my best let fate handle the rest ".....So by saying this aren't we just giving up .....I mean if u fall in something its best if u just get up and try again untill u succeed....couse if u do your best and keep on trying to give 100% in every thing you do, That is what makes a person be the best he or she can be....

In life there is no such thing as " letting fate decide what to do for me " because this is your life so why not take controll of it....it shows that you are a person of substance and you know what you want in life and you will do anything to get it ......if you are a person who is still sitting back and letting fate run ur life .....hah u are actually letting your life slip away from u and when one day u realise this, sry but it will be all too late to do anything...So get up and begin to do things ur self .....nevermind if u do not suceed be cause thats the best part in life that becomes interesting....if u fail to suceed u will try again and learn a new way of doing things, and when u reach success u would have leared more that one way to do things ....Compared to the person that did it once and got it right....so u see even if you are smart and got it right the first time .....thats not the only way....because there is more than one way to do things ......and a person who failed will try to find that other way ....." There is always more that one way to go home " this is the sentence that was thought by a dear teacher of mine....and untill today i stick by it.....and trust me this is much better than sitting back and letting fate do it for u

So tell me what is fate....does it mean that it is what u were meant to do ......or destined to become.....heck i don't know ..coz i dun believe in this shit...i prefer to live my life by taking controll of it ....and u all should too.......because at the end of the day ...ask ur self this .."who am i living for " .......by asking ur self this u will see that wether u are living for ur family , friends , girlfriend,of even your self....fate doesent do it for u ....but you have to do it for your self.......well to all u people out there ....break away from ur fated way of life and live the way u want it to be

About Me

What am i doing here....i guess i m just bored..and need to type some stuff.....well i guess i just needed some place to release the stuff in my head.....well thats y it is called (from the inside of me )....

My life was all good untill i was about 16...i had no worries no problems...but once i turned 16 whoah u should have seen the shit load that was awaiting me .....problems came like a broken dam.... Relationships , studies ,ambition, and stuff like that......i was always a simple person but it got so complicated later on that i almost lost it.....well suddenly i realised, that i have to pull my self together or else i wont be able to do anything....and thankfully i regained controll of my out of controll life before i was 20....why so long.....hmm ......mostly ....i had to concentrate on my studies ...but then u know lah ....boys at the age of 17....hahahah...girlfriends are the next thing .....instead of studies.......well i had a relationship when i was 17....it was cool ....or ..so i thought.......I always thought how hard could it b to maintain a relationship.....well i was just about to find out.. ..in any relationship i always thought if u keep her happy it would b alright...but ..a FOOL was the right word to describe me..........After the school life i continued my studies and went for a carrier of my choice.......I found new friends and strenghtned the bond between my old friends even after the schooling days,.......and they are the ones who have helped me all this time....and at the same time try to balance my relationship with this gurl......

She was the kind of person i could talk to and would listen to my problems...the type who was always concerned ...so i was happy...untill one day she said she said she had to go back to her home town for a few months....at the same time i was having my college exams.......then after 3 months she came back, i was happy,thinking that things would be better...but sadly we fought more often than usual....then finally after college i started to work ....that was when it all came to a big stop in my relationship....she did the best thing of all.......She cheated on me.....haiz........!!......then i started to get depressed....but thankfully i had my friends around ....they always shared the laughter and they were the ones who actually helped me up.....(they don't know that)...coz they always see me as a person strong of will...actually i was hiding all the tears grief and pain inside.....just not to worry them......it took me a while but now i manage to get over her......well the last i heard ....she was getting married .....well hah...who cares ......

A year later after all this problems, i started to understand and become more mature in my thinking ....some how i dont'know lah....but i was able to be a person that cared.....and understood my friends and was always obligated to help them and be there for them......may b it was because of what i did in the past .....that i was not understanding enough or not there for anyone....some how i started to do the opposite.....i was more reliable to people and became a person that would listen to other people's problems ......thats when i met my pet sis....sadly she is working far away now...but we do keep in touch .....(PENNY) u r the coollest .....;p....she helped to teach me stuff about life and like wise i did for her..we were more like bro and sis.....The same goes for my best buddies....they are the standing pillar of the currently real me.......we always hang out ...make fun of each other, but after all that is said and done ......we are always there to help one another ....no matter what ....and it is because of this simple bond among friends, that i have learnt to treasure all relationships wether friends, family or grilfriends ....because the main thing is trust and understanding and also being there for one another no matter what the cost...that is what a true relationship means

Well happily now i m 21years old and i have decided to continue my carrier and just enjoy my life as it goes ......be cause living in the moment is the best of all , for it is then that u live to the fullest, cause u never know what might happen to u tommorow.......i now strongly believe that i m now a better living person today because of all these problems that i have endured .....and i will continue to help others the way others have helped me .......